3-0!

So far....I'm loving my thirties!
My 29th birthday was no fun....so my 30th birthday was enough fun for last year, and the next 10 years! The celebration lasted many days, and now I have to come back to reality. I thought it best to share my many happy memories with pictures. So here are a bunch of them!

It all started Wednesday night when I had my support group over for dinner and pumpkin carving...
Then on Thursday (my birthday) I spent the day with friends, my mom, and my dog. We had a spaghetti dinner at my new place and sat by the fire as the sun set!

My mom came over and helped cook dinner...here she is working while I'm enjoying my glass of wine....

thanks mom!

On Friday, my friends threw me a pedicure party at a local shoe shop/pedicure place.
I had to do some shopping too...

Does life get any better? Cupcakes, wine and pedicures!! All at once!

On Saturday, my mom and I went to Boston to visit my brothers and their girlfriends

Jeff got us Circ Du Soliel tickets!!! It was amazing!

Thank you Jeff!

Overall...it's been a week to remember!

Thank you everyone...I've had a blast!

A Room with a View

I'm in heaven....
This is the view from my new bedroom.... ahhhhh.....

I've finally moved out of my parents house...which, in a way, was more stressful than I expected.
I've been ready to go for many months now, and very antsy...but when the time came I was hesitant.
I couldn't figure out why...until a couple of weeks ago. I was on a panel of survivors at a cancer seminar. The speaker asked me,
"What particular challenges do you have now, being the youngest member on the panel?"
(or something like that)
And I realized that it's my fear to move forward, take risks and challenge myself again. When I was diagnosed, my world became very small. When your lifespan is unpredictable and seemingly in jeopardy, you realize very quickly what is important to you and surround yourself in it. I always have dreams and plans to travel and see the world (and still want to do this..), but when it came down to it...my priority was my family and my friends...the people that I love. I wanted to spend my time close to them....and created my safe little bubble.
However, this is the challenge of being a 'young survivor'. If I were older and more settled, I would have created my 'bubble' with a family that I created, and wouldn't have to push myself to get out there and take risks again. I am very grateful for my parents and really needed their care and support during my treatment and recovery. I could have easily continued to live with them, as they are the most important people in my life....but it was time to break free (again!) and challenge myself to move forward. It was a little scary leaving the 'safety zone' that I had created...but....
The view here is pretty nice...
:)

Perspective...

It's long (14 minutes), but worth it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ0TZ6cxMZM

Hope it adds a little perspective to your day...as it did to mine...

Yay!

I had a CT scan last week, and all is looking good! Huge relief! 6 more months of play!

I was actually nervous about this one. I had it scheduled for October, but switched it to August, as August was actually my 6 month mark. I also had them add a picture of my chest, as I wanted my lungs looked at as well. I had been having a funny feeling in my mid-back for a couple of months....and my anxious mind just wanted that lung checked out. Colon cancer usually metastisizes first to the liver, but also sometimes to the lung...so I thought better safe than sorry...lets just have them look everywhere.

Anyway...I must give a word of advice for anyone who needs to have an abdominal CT scan. They try to push this most disgusting, thick, barium drink ('banana smoothie') on you when you walk in. You have an hour or so to drink it before a picture can be taken. I did drink this the first time because I didn't think I had a choice. However....there is another option! They can make you a barium drink that is water and crystal light (lemonade or fruit punch), and the barium. The viscosity of this is much, much more palatable. It just takes them a little extra time to make, as it's not pre-packaged...so it's not offered. However, if you tell them that you'll throw up drinking the 'banana smoothie', they'll make you some lemonade. :)

Anyway, my lungs, heart, pancreas, colon and liver all looked good. In fact, they stated my liver looked to be improving. ?? My liver enzymes had been elevated, and I had a slight 'fatty liver' in my last scan...from all of the chemo being metabolized there (I assume)....but it's on its way back to normal! There's almost finally no physical/physiological sign of the wear and tear of the last year... (just neuropathy, and hair wisps...and I can deal with those!)

Hope you are enjoying these early days of fall!

Yay Bri....One more!!! I'm thinking about you all week!!

Update...

Hi all! This scene from Shelbure Farms made me laugh the other day. Some days this describes my job as a nurse... or the life of a person with bowel issues.....

sick humor...

The colon cancer 5k was great last weekend. We had perfect weather and they had a pretty good turnout for the 1st year. I've decided that next year, I need to be a bit more organized in advance and start a team. They had awards for the largest team/best team outfit, etc.... Definitely awards that we can win next year! Plus....I love a good cause...

Here's a picture of my team of supporters! Thanks guys...I was very happy that you were there!

I finally took a picture of my hair growing back! The chemotherapy for colon cancer only makes your hair thin out! This is mostly a great thing...and I was very happy for it...as people who didn't know me , didn't know I had cancer....they just thought I had terribly thin hair! However, there were times where it almost would have been easier to have the bald cancer head...then I wouldn't have had to explain myself and my lack of energy and overwhelming fatigue. Some people seemed to assume that since I didn't loose my hair, the chemo was easier or not as harsh. This was not true! Many of the patients that we get on my floor are there for side effects from these particular chemos...and.... all chemo sucks....period! :)

Here is my new underlayer of bangs.... Now...if it would just grow back thicker...that would be great! (not really happening...)

And finally...there was a write up about my 'Good Riddance' party in the CPSP newsletter....

Here's the link if you have any interest...

http://www.cpspvt.org/ezstatic/data/cpspvt/sp-sum-newsletter.pdf

Thats all for now! Time to get ready for work...

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the last days of summer (now that there's finally some sun!)

FYI

Better late than never...I suppose...here's an event set for tomorrow....

http://www.getyourrearingear.com/events/get-your-rear-in-gear-events/colchester-vt-august-2008/

hope to see you there...

Welcome Zoe

3 weeks ago... my friends had their first daughter. This was a very exciting night, as I was over at their house when it all began. We were spending the evening watching a movie, when all of the sudden Deanna exclaimed, "My water just broke!" She immediately ran upstairs to take a shower, while her husband and I ran to get the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' bible. A few hours later Zoe was born (10lbs 10oz, 23 inches!)

Here's a picture soon after Deanna's water broke.... She looks awfully calm...
At the hospital...meeting Zoe for the first time...

Zoe at 3 weeks...

That's my excitement for now...I'll try to write more soon...

Stuck...

Hiya...
Things here have been busy. My brother recently graduated from high school! We had multiple family members here for over a week...which was a special treat! We kept busy visiting, playing board games, card games, and Wii games!
Work has also been busy too. However, with all the stuff that has been going on, I'm currently feeling very 'stuck'. This 'stuck' feeling has been a theme in my life for many years now. I seem to get bored with any sort of routine, and need some sort of challenge, adventure, or plan to get me going again. The problem is, I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go...

It's weird...this feeling has just returned, as I did not have the energy or strength to want to do much more than just 'be' and survive for the past year. Yes...that sounds sad...but the truth was, I was content. I've spent a lot of my 20's looking for my purpose, and becoming increasingly more frustrated when I didn't have a grand plan. However, I had a very distinct purpose during the past year, therefore, I was free to just live and enjoy the little moments. I wasn't weighed down with the internal pressure of figuring out my life and what makes me happy. Crazy how cancer can simultaneously take away one's peace of mind, yet in an entirely different way give it. Though I still never...ever...want to go through a year like that again...

So...should I be grateful now that I'm feeling stuck again? This means I've come full circle, right? I guess I was wishing that cancer would take away this feeling for good...but I'm learning it doesn't take away problems that previously existed...just puts them on the back burner for awhile...

So...anyone who needs a buddy for some brilliant adventure...please let me know...I'd be happy to apply! But for now, I'll go about my routine and search out the little moments that make me happy... and try to come up with a grand plan for my thirties... :)

*One little moment that continues to bring me smiles was receiving a gift from a family friend...a man I've only met a couple of times. He sent along this VT Teddy bear following my race...It was personalized with my race number and team name. Isn't he great!


So long for now...

The cancer club.

Last week, we did a mock photo shoot at my friend's house. I was contacted by someone at the JHU school of nursing about re-printing the article about my from my local paper. I wanted to send them another picture, as I hated the one in the paper. So my friend, Sara, offered to help. We played around with her new photo studio, and she dealt with all of my photo insecurities for a couple of hours. Here's a picture of her son helping us out! How cute! THANK YOU SARA...I really appreciate all you did, and your putting up with me!

And... I have to add this next picture because it makes me smile! These are the goofy sons of my two good friends...

That picture makes me smile after a particularly difficult week. I'm on my way to a funeral of a 24 year old patient who passed away this week. He wasn't supposed to die...he was too young. His dad and I had had a conversation the previous week, where we said how its 'no fun to be part of this club sometimes'. He repeated this statement as we hugged soon after his son died. I can't agree more...it really sucks. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

Because I can...

And I know how quickly it can be taken away....

13.1 miles...

My Family...

My brother and his girlfriend came up from Boston to split the race too....

Relieved its over!....

I'm sure I tasted good....nice and salty...

Now it's time to nap.....
ps...A BIG THANK YOU to Chris for making my awesome shirt!!

What a difference a year makes....

One year ago today, I would never have expected to be in Vermont right now. I was packing my apartment and making big plans for California. Much can change in a year....or a day...

Tomorrow is my 1 year anniversary from my diagnosis. I plan on celebrating all weekend long... as I am here....and I am healthy.....

I started my 3 day weekend (much needed, by the way! Working full time is exhausting!) by going on a little hike with Molly. The weather wasn't great...but it was still beautiful. I'll end the weekend with the half marathon...ugh... But I plan to enjoy all moments in between to remind me how lucky I am!

Here are some pics from the hike....

A bit daunting... I thought winter was over....but we found snow!

Smile, Molly!

Happy Dog..

The sun came out for 30 seconds and lit up the path...

A view...

The pond (way down there) ...Molly had a great time swimming!

We rewarded ourselves for our hard work with treats on the way home!!

She's really wants that bone...

I found this picture from a hike last year. This was the day before I left for Baltimore to have my surgery....(wow...my first thought in looking at this is...'there's a tumor inside of me!') I was enjoying one of my last days of having energy for awhile....

I suppose I've come full circle... :)

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I hope you get to spend it with family and/or loved ones!

Weekend of Hope

Two weekends ago (yes...I've been meaning to write this for awhile...but have been busy with work...ugh)...I spent the weekend in Stowe for the Weekend of Hope. I was very excited about going, as I volunteered on a 'welcoming' committee on Friday and our support group was given a house to stay at for the weekend. Plus, there was an article about me in our local paper promoting the weekend (I purposely kept this a secret...as I wasn't sure how it would turn out! And.. I wasn't thrilled with it...as I felt like I sounded like an idiot. Oh.. and the picture was just terrible! Anyway...you Hopkins people will see it, as they are going reprint the article in the next JH Nursing magazine...but... I will be sending them another picture!!!) ANYWAY....the weekend was filled with both great and not so great memories.

Unfortunately, its the not so great memories that seem to have really stuck with me over the past couple of weeks....so I'm going to get them out of the way by sharing them first. I went to a dessert talk about colon cancer on Friday evening. I had spent a really great day meeting new people and feeding off the positive energy surrounding the weekend. Then....the talk started out something like this...."Pharmaceutical companies are just so great! yada yada....They are the ones who sponsor all of the research for new drugs...yada yada...its not the government....its the pharm companies...oh...and here's my rep in the back...she'll give you some free books...but, really, she and I are responsible for creating new colon cancer drugs :) because if you would have had stage IV colon cancer three years ago, we would have given you only about 6 weeks to live...now we give you 28 + months!!" Hooray for you, lady! Way to spread the HOPE....all we hear is 'you're gonna die'....Know Your Audience! She then went on to bombard us with statistics. Now, statistics are something that I've stayed clear of throughout this whole ordeal. I started looking up stage III colon cancer one time last summer, and caught a glimpse of some statistics, and immediately shut my computer and haven't looked back. However....there it was, on the large powerpoint screen for what seemed like an hour at least....my chance of 'surviving' the next 4 years. Again, maybe this was meant to be hopeful in someway...however, all I saw was my chance at not surviving the next 4 years. There is a 33% (yup that's 1/3) chance that this stupid disease will come back and kill me...and this is scary. In other words, the survival statistic is around 66%. Granted 66% may not seem like a scary number. It's better than half, but would you play those odds in Vegas with your life on the line? So...I've spent the last couple of weeks processing this. I find myself getting angry at people who are getting upset with some of the normal frustrations of life. (For example...dating...I know a lot of people who are frustrated and complain about the fact that they haven't found 'the one'. However, even though I know I should be more compassionate, this is a complaint that I have a difficult time listening to because my mind immediately jumps to "oh yeah...imagine trying to find 'the one' by disclosing the fact that you may not be here in 4 years".) I've found my mind going in this direction a lot more frequently in the past couple of weeks...and getting angry with people who don't know how good they've got it. But...then I go to work...and work with patients and families who ARE actually dying...and I think 'shame on me'. I'm still here...and currently healthy...so I need to enjoy what I've got!

So...those 2-3 hours of the weekend were really the low point of an otherwise great weekend. I met a new friend (another young woman with stage III colon ca) and we had dinner and could have talked for hours...as our stories and outlook are very similar. I also had a good time with the members of my support group...as we made a big dinner on Sat. night and invited others over to join us. Overall, there was a great vibe to the weekend, and it was nice to be with so many others who can relate and spread/share wisdom and hope. I look forward to next year...and now know that I will only go to the seminars that are inspirational and make me feel good...as I think it is a much more productive way to spend my time!

Cruisin'

We FINALLY went on our cruise last week....and we had a blast! For those of you who know me well...I had been talking about this cruise constantly and had been packed since December, as I was so excited to go! The idea arose when my mother, Aunt Lynna and I were on our drive home from Baltimore following my surgery. We decided we needed something to look forward to. So plans started to take shape last fall and a 'girls only' family cruise was planned. My mother, grandmother, 3 aunts, and 2 cousins celebrated in style! Thanks gals for a wonderful week!
Here are some (okay...many) pics from the week....

Our first night was in Orlando where we went to downtown Disney for dinner at Bongos...we later walked around and found this photo op....

On Sunday, we went kayaking through the mangroves. We saw a dolphin and many birds and wildlife (even a raccoon sleeping in a tree!)
Another cheesy photo op at the beach...(we obviously don't know how to surf, as demonstrated by our technique).

We made it on the boat...and the pina coladas started to flow...

I finally got to wear my red shoes (bought them immediately following my NCLEX..aka nursing boards...when I thought I failed!)

The second night (we spent the day in bathing suits....so pictures are not included)...this is our formal night..

It started out innocent enough with free cocktails at the captain's welcome...

But...you know you've had too much to drink when....
In Naussau...goofing around...

We thought it appropriate to eat lunch here...

Atlantis....

The pirate was trying to steal my TWO desserts.....NO WAY!

Mother! What are you looking at?

Our professional photo op...

Our amateur photo op..

The last night the kitchen went out of their way to make each of us creme brule for our cancer free celebration...It was DELICIOUS!!! yum....I'm salivating just thinking about it... (thanks monica...)

Our last morning on the boat.....Too much fun for one week wore Katie out!

My mom, aunt and I stayed an extra day and just relaxed and spoiled ourselves with room service...

We've already started looking into next year....thats how much fun was had! Again thank you family...you gave me something to look forward to during many difficult moments and a week that I will always remember....Love you!