Things here have been busy. My brother recently graduated from high school! We had multiple family members here for over a week...which was a special treat! We kept busy visiting, playing board games, card games, and Wii games!
Work has also been busy too. However, with all the stuff that has been going on, I'm currently feeling very 'stuck'. This 'stuck' feeling has been a theme in my life for many years now. I seem to get bored with any sort of routine, and need some sort of challenge, adventure, or plan to get me going again. The problem is, I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go...
It's weird...this feeling has just returned, as I did not have the energy or strength to want to do much more than just 'be' and survive for the past year. Yes...that sounds sad...but the truth was, I was content. I've spent a lot of my 20's looking for my purpose, and becoming increasingly more frustrated when I didn't have a grand plan. However, I had a very distinct purpose during the past year, therefore, I was free to just live and enjoy the little moments. I wasn't weighed down with the internal pressure of figuring out my life and what makes me happy. Crazy how cancer can simultaneously take away one's peace of mind, yet in an entirely different way give it. Though I still never...ever...want to go through a year like that again...
So...should I be grateful now that I'm feeling stuck again? This means I've come full circle, right? I guess I was wishing that cancer would take away this feeling for good...but I'm learning it doesn't take away problems that previously existed...just puts them on the back burner for awhile...
So...anyone who needs a buddy for some brilliant adventure...please let me know...I'd be happy to apply! But for now, I'll go about my routine and search out the little moments that make me happy... and try to come up with a grand plan for my thirties... :)
*One little moment that continues to bring me smiles was receiving a gift from a family friend...a man I've only met a couple of times. He sent along this VT Teddy bear following my race...It was personalized with my race number and team name. Isn't he great!
So long for now...
2 comments:
Well said! When people ask me how I'm doing I always say - I'm fine right now, it's September I'm worried about, when treatment ends and I no longer know what to do with myself.
I was stuck before, and I will be soon be stuck again. This cancer interim is not something I wish to repeat, but I've noticed it has been something of a reprieve. It's a temporary loss of freedom, and you just have to motor through it. But what do you do when you get the freedom back? I have been anxiously anticipating this - thanks for posting about it.
Congrats to your bro!
Anytime you want to steal away to the seas of Rhode Island let me know. You have a place to stay and a tour guide here.
Thanks for the brownies!
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