Sick Day...

I called in sick today. Though I had legit reasons (nausea, diarrhea, generalized fatigue, and zero sleep last night)... I probably could have worked through those. Rather, I really needed a 'me' day (or, I suppose, the current correct term is a 'mental health day').

This last treatment was a hard one, in many ways. I had expected to be happy and relieved to hit my 1/2 way point (I've always felt that the second half of things is easier and have had that 'its all downhill' mentality). However, I currently do not feel this way. In fact, I feel the complete opposite ('How am I going to make it through 6 more!')

I suppose this was also a difficult week because I let new feelings officially enter (warning: therapeutic purge about to happen!) For the first time, I felt sorry for myself and scared. These are emotions that I've let skirt around the sidelines for awhile, but once they entered, they became sort of all consuming. They made it easy for me to spend three full days curled in the fetal position in bed, with my sole focus being on how lousy I felt.

This brings me to the topic of attitude. There are some theorists that say that attitude has everything to do with a cancer prognosis. Part of me wants to say that's BS, theorized by someone who has never had to deal with the day to day struggles of cancer! From my experience in nursing, I've witnessed people with great attitudes who have passed away at terrible times in their lives. On the other hand, there is definitely a part of me who believes that attitude plays a part in the healing process. I mainly think this because attitude is the only thing that we (we being those who are sick) can control. When your own body is out of your control...you have to at least control your mind! And, trust me, this is a hard thing to do, especially when you don't feel good! So...I'm taking today for a little attitude adjustment. I'm going to get some fresh air (my instant feel better trigger) and get my life back in order! (this includes returning many phone calls!!! sorry!)

Okay...now that I've purged a little, maybe I'll be able to get some sleep tonight!

On a positive note...there were some high points to my weekend!
First, is my great friend Deanna. She brought me to get my pump off on Thursday, and had to wait with me two extra hours while I got extra fluids. She had the 'fun' task of trying to distract me for those hours so I wouldn't throw up...it was a success!
Second, I was able to spend a couple of hours on Saturday with one of my oldest friends, as she was 'home' for the weekend (though she acted more like a tourist!) She waited on me and dealt with my crankiness and feeling gross (thanks Kris!)
Third, it was a weekend of good quality family time, as my brother was home from Boston. We went to my other brother's last home soccer game (where I got an Essex Alumni pin because it was homecoming weekend....all you ex-hornets are jealous, I know!) and we went out to a great dinner!
Finally, I received the most beautiful, thoughtful gift in the mail that I must share it with you! My mom's cousin's wife made me the most gorgeous quilt....I'm in love with it! I'm having the internal struggle whether to bring it with me everywhere (like Linus), or keep it protected from dirt and possible stains by keeping it on my bed, away from dirty hands! Ahhh...the decisions! Thank you Karen!

my comfy view...

Isn't it pretty!

Well, That's all I've got for now! I'm off to take a walk!

Take care everyone!