Status Update

So, thought I'd just give you a quick update on my health...as I realized I haven't done that in while. To start with...I've gained 18 pounds since I finished chemo (yup...that's a lot..considering I only lost 7!). The thing is...food is so good now!! After having no appetite for so long....I'm enjoying everything I can get my hands on! I'm realizing I need to start expending more energy to balance this out (because changing my diet is not an option right now!)... so I'm currently sitting on the couch unable to move due to sore muscles from 2 days at the gym. Granted my workouts are pretty lame...and embarrasing at times...but I'm trying really hard to not get frustrated with myself and my abilities.. and realize that I have to start somewhere.

Another frustration...but improvement is my hair. I now have the energy to be annoyed and embarrased with how much hair I've lost. I know this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of wellness...but I'd really like to have enough hair to cover my bald spots. I did get a haircut last week, and my hairdresser informed me that it was coming back in (brown and curly)...so that was very promising...because I was starting to get worried!

Finally...the most debilitating and annoying side effect that has lasted is the peripheral neuropathy. Its a sensation that is very hard to describe. I really have limited fine motor skills because I can't feel things. For example...I can't put earrings in that have a backing because I can't feel the backing in my fingers. Sometimes I even have problems putting in earrings without backings because I also can't feel the earring! I also have difficulty opening things, texting, typing, writing, etc. Taking this sensation into consideration, my fingertips and toes are also very sensitive to texture. It hurts to wash my hair, pet my dog, touch a towel, walk barefooted on tile or carpet, etc. It's wierd that I can't feel some things, but others are painful...but its just the way it is. I've been getting vitamin B12 shots weekly for the past 3 weeks to try to help with the neuropathy, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I also just started taking a new medication called neurontin...so hopefully that will help...we'll see!

I think thats all I have to share now. I have a CT scan this week...so we'll see how that goes. Also...party planning is in full force....and going to be a great time! (reminder- nectars..March 1st..5-8pm) Hope to see you there!

Enjoy your week!

a GREAT weekend!

I spent the past four days in Baltimore visiting with friends! It was so great to get away and I had a ton of fun!!! Thanks friends!! You gave me a much needed vacation!!

Yummy Beer Charlie!!!

Cheers Shelber...(you were missed!)Duck pin bowling and 40's...good ol' Bmore fun!

So long port!

Now you see it....
(no..my hair is not greasy dirty...just balding...lovely!)
Now you don't...

My port was removed a couple of weeks ago!!! I was very excited to see it go as it caused me lots of distress related to nausea and vomiting. With this being said... it was a must have for me to get chemo, as it made my treatment much easier. It saved my veins and me the trouble of being poked every five minutes for labs to be drawn or IVs to be started. So, overall, it was very helpful....as hard as that is for me to admit!

Oh...and you might notice that I now have 2 scars from this darn thing. When they took it out, they made a new incision!! This ticked me off a bit! Prior to the procedure (which entailed lidocaine injections, and ativan to chill my nerves a little) I asked the nurse if they could use the same incision, so I would only have one scar. She said that this is what usually happened. Then the doc came in and removed it. As he was finishing, the nurse told me that he made a new incision to get it out easier. I was a little annoyed because I wish the doc would have asked me or even told me what he was doing with an explanation...I would have been okay with the 2 incisions if this were the case. Rather, there was no consideration for me, or a thought that I'm young and sometimes wear shirts or bathing suits that show that part of my body...so it might matter to me that there is an extra scar. Its the first time during this whole experience where I was made to feel like I was just a 'number' as opposed to a whole person. Granted...I realize its not that big of a deal, and I'm not loosing any sleep over it....its just an observation on my part. One of my friends recommended that I get a tatoo to compliment it, as it looks like an equal sign on my chest....so I'm open for any creative ideas! :)

2007: Year in Review

I recently received a forwarded email in which you were supposed to answer many personal questions, then pass it on to your friends (these emails are used to get to know your friends better). The questions were all about how you spent the year 2007. Unfortunatley, most of my answers would have been rather redundant. However, I've decided to share the first question with you...as it has been on my mind for the past couple of days....So here ya go....

1.What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

Visited the Carribean in February! (St Croix!)...

And worked while I was there...

Visited San Francisco...and got offered the job of my dreams (or so I thought!) as a pediatric oncology nurse at one of the nation's top hospitals.... (and tried out for the Giants!)

Experienced the cherry blossoms in DC...

Became re-acquainted with many old friends...

Celebrated the end of nursing school with a camping trip to Assateague Island on the Maryland coast...

Graduated!!!! and became a true RN!..

Walked in the Relay for Life....as a survivor....(9 days after my surgery!)...

Received a crash course in the true meaning of love, generosity, and gratitude...

And....Kicked cancer's arse!

PARTY TIME!

I have a date for my Good Riddance party/Fundraiser for CAncer Support Services at FAHC! It will be MARCH 1ST from 5-8 at NECTAR'S in Burlington. ( http://www.liveatnectars.com/)
I will start planning next week when I have some days off of work...but I'm open for any ideas!

ALL are welcome....spread the word!

Oh...and here's a link for you to study up on what you'll be supporting!
http://www.cpspvt.org/

Happy Friday Everyone!

The worst part about having cancer.....

...is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am hopeful that one day an 'ache' will just be an 'ache' again, and not some sure sign (in my head) that the cancer is back and/or spreading. This makes scan days (CT scans in my case) anxiety-ridden horrible days. I don't have my follow-up scan until February...so I have some time to just enjoy myself. However, I am already anxious for that day. One picture (after a TERRIBLE cocktail)...can tell my future. It will hopefully buy me time until my next scan. The thing about working on an oncology floor, is that I see the patients who are back....meaning the cancer had returned and typically has spread (metastisized). This confirms that it happens, and therefore, I'm not invinsible.

Having cancer at a young age (or I suppose any age)... makes you have to come to terms with your own mortality (not a typical developmental task for anyone under 80 or so). This is a very difficult thing to do, especially when there are so many things left to see and explore! For me, the benefit of this, is that I no longer constantly worry about the 'little' things. I've been able to leave a lot behind me (not all of course!)...particularly the complications of starting a new job. I no longer punish myself for not knowing all the answers...and just accept the fact that I'm new...and I'm not supposed to know all the answers....(duh...it took cancer to teach me this?) So...I suppose I'm trying to say is that even though coming to terms with your mortality is a terribly difficult task to accomplish....it can be a rewarding one...as you learn what is really important to you (friends and family) and you learn what to leave behind (unwarrented stress!) I think that this is one of the little secrets behind the hidden bond between cancer survivors.

So....again...this wasn't meant to be a depressing post...(these thoughts have been with me all along...but I couldn't write about them during chemo). Rather, my purpose in writing this goes back to my original post...saying that all of you will know many people with cancer throughout your lives....therefore, you can understand some of the internal struggles they are going through, as well as the importance of being extra supportive around 'scan days'.

On a brighter note.... I tend to buy myself presents when I accomplish big tasks (or for my birthday). So I went shopping the other day and purchased some snowshoes!!! I figured they would be a great way to ease back into shape (though all the snow is melting right now!!) Here they are... aren't they beautiful?!

I'm still waiting for a response from the bar about my party. I requested March 1st...so I'll let you know when I hear back if that is the official date!

Peace and Love to you!

Happy 2008!

Happy New Year!!! Yahoo!!!
As you may have read yesterday....I received the best New Year's news. I'm done with treatments!!! Yesterday, I went into the clinic as usual, and when talking to my PA, let her know that my neuropathies had been constant since the last treatment. (meaning, I really haven't been able to feel the bottom of my feet, and frequently my fingertips are on pins and needles). Because of this we had agreed on a dose reduction of my chemo drugs of about 20%. She said she would run it by the doc to see what he had to say. When I got back to my chair, the doc came and questioned me about these neuropathies. He then gave me three options 1. full dose next week (which wasn't an option for me, as I wanted to be done in 2007!) 2. dose reduction 3. skip final treatment. I was very excited about this third option, however apprehensive. I was definitely not prepared to be done, rather I wanted to finish what I started. So I chose dose reduction. The doc said okay, then looked at my labs. My platelets were much lower than they had been (76...usually hover around 100) and my hgb was 9 (aka...anemic!). He said with my counts this low, he would opt for skipping the last treatment. He said if I had it, he would have to dose reduce by about 50% (which was enough reduction that it wouldn't really be helpful), and it would be likely that I would have to get a blood or platelet transfusion next week. I was still uneasy about quitting (cause I felt like I was 'quitting')...but he reassured me by saying that I've already received more chemo than most people in the same condition, as I had received 11 full treatments. He said that most people don't make it to 12 and that more often than not, people receive dose reductions along the way. He also made the point that I don't want these neuropathies to be permanent, and by giving more chemo, it would only increase this chance. So...the decision was made....and I was done.
I cried when my port was being de-accessed, as I was so happy that I wouldn't ever have to use it again (comes out Jan 24!), I cried saying goodbye to everyone, I also cried through breakfast with my mom, as I was able to just sit there and really enjoy the song playing on the radio. Not only that...I now have all this free time in the next week, where I won't be in bed, but rather enjoying myself and getting healthy again! So...here are some celebratory pictures!

I had lunch with some friends yesterday....

I was able to go to a New Years Party! Here's my friend Julie who has been such a support in the past months!

I got to enjoy some ugly holiday sweaters...you choose the best (or worst)

But...when it came down to it....I'm old and busted....this is how I rang in the new year...asleep!

However, I started the New Year off with a long walk around the resevoir...as I'm determined to be healthy, get back in shape, and enjoy myself!

So, again, Happy 2008....I hope the year brings you HEALTH and HAPPINESS!!!

ps...don't stop reading....as I'll have more to post during my 'recovery' period, including at date for my Good Riddance Par-tay!