The Mysterious Port...

I have received many questions about my port. It's much easier to explain how it works with pictures....so if you get grossed out by needles and blood...Look NO further!

Here is my beautiful port, unaccessed...

It's really not so pretty...I had some problems with the incision healing...turns out there was a stitch that wouldn't dissolve that was causing all the trouble...so now its healed, but still not so pretty...

Prior to going to chemo and getting accessed, I put Emla cream on. This numbs the area so it won't hurt when the needle goes in...Its wonderful stuff...

Here is the needle they stick into the port...

And all the equipment they need to do it...

Here I am, accessed. Once the needle is in, they can draw blood out, and put medicine in. This is why the port is handy....only one stick. I'm looking away because I'm not allowed to breathe on it before a dressing is placed, this keeps germs away!

Fully accessed with the dressing on...

Just chillin', reading my lab results, (ANC=6.6!!! Neulasta worked!) trying not to notice my aunt taking pictures of me...
Hooked up to my pre-meds... (anti-nausea meds)...and chatting on the phone..

Here's my pump that I carry with me for 46 hours, ugh!
Putting my pump into my fanny...
Thats all! And to finish up...here's a pic of my cancer...Hard to see, but it penetrates the whole bowel wall.
So far, the fifth treatment is going well! It helps to have my aunt here distracting me! We shopped a little yesterday (love shopping therapy!), and today we took a long drive and enjoyed the beautiful autumn scenery! Vermont is starting to become even more beautiful! We stopped for a yummy apple cider donut, and window shopped at some craft stores in Stowe! Overall, good day out, which was topped off with a great long nap!

So long everyone....and thanks for reading!

A CELEBRATION! ... and some silly pictures

My mom is officially five years cancer free! This is a big deal in the cancer world because reoccurrence rates significantly decrease after five years. We celebrated with food, flowers, and new rocking chairs for the porch! As my dad wrote on a card, "Good fight, you win!" (the florist had a good chuckle at this, misinterpreting the meaning!) Yea mom!

I've always hated to show my stomach....However now that I have this badass scar, I show it to everyone. All those stupid years worrying about sit-ups....

The bruises are from heparin shots. I give myself a shot everyday for a blood clot they found in my mesenteric vein (stomach area). This was an incidental finding from my last CT scan...and we don't know why its there. It could be from my surgery or just from the cancer...? The heparin helps to thin the blood. This prevents new clots from forming, and the previous clot from growing and gives my body time to dissolve the clot. This picture makes it look much worse than it actually is, as I typically don't bruise (I'm guessing my platelets are too low from the last treatment...I'll ask on Tuesday). Plus...I'm one of those strange people who would rather give myself a shot than take a pill!

If you look closely at this picture, you can see a sore at the end of my tongue... one of the many annoying chemo side-effects that I've previously mentioned. It gave me a nice lisp for a day :)

I hope to have treatment again this Tuesday...so I'll keep you updated!

Hope everyone is well!

101 things that make me want to vomit....

..the smell of alcohol (both the wipes and the drinks), brushing my teeth, drinking anything, the smell of pizza, the smell of cleaning products, the smell of me!, the thought of most food, the thought of entering the hospital again for treatment...Seriously, these things (and more) all make me feel sick...so I'm going to stop writing about them now...

The last couple of days have been ones that I am willing to forget. In fact, I don't really remember them because I have spent their majority in bed, asleep. The nausea medicine seems to wear off on the 4th day, but the nausea does not. Unfortunately, I have a problem swallowing pills (suprisingly...the thought of even doing so makes me nauseous ;))...so I haven't taken anything. I figure nausea is better than actually throwing up (which I will do if I try to take a pill...experience has taught me this!)

As for the rest of this treatement, the first three days went well. I was able to go for walks and see some friends between naps. It was great...and I'm a sucker for distraction! Yesterday, however, I barely got out of bed. It was easier to sleep through feeling sick, I suppose. At 7pm, my mom and I decided it necessary to get out of the house. So we drove 10 minutes to Starbucks (all part of her master plan to get me to drink more)...however, I couldn't even drink my hot chocolate...so sad...and such a waste! It was good to get out of the house though...and we found some warm Dr. Pepper on our journey that hit the spot!

The doctors also gave me an extra shot this week of neulasta (I think...I forgot to ask)...anyway, this shot is supposed to help boost my white blood cells...since my body doesn't want to do this on its own! This will hopefully help my treatments stay on track. It is supposed to cause pain in my long bones (legs, sternum) as it stimulates the marrow there to start making cells. However, no real pain yet....not sure if thats good or bad...

Overall, the forth treatment was okay...better than the third. I spent most of the third treatment just pissed off at this whole experience, as the 'newness' had worn off. I think the extra week off helped my state of mind, and reinforced the fact that when this is over it won't take long for me to feel better!

Well...I hope everyone is doing well and was able to enjoy this great fall weekend! Congrats to Alison for finishing the 26.2 mile walk to support the Jimmy Fund today!

High of the Day...

I spent most of today laying around. However, my mom got me out of the gloomy house for a walk at my favorite resevoir! It was a beautiful September day and Molly loved her swim! Here are some pics of our journey! It took all my energy and I promptly came home and fell asleep...but it was definitely worth it!

oh...and notice the infamous stylin' fanny pack! I hear they're making a comeback.....

The best part about going to chemo...

.... is the free massage! Here, Sharon works her magic as I wait for my lab results to tell me if I am able to get chemo. She is wonderful!! She and another massage therapist, Cindy, each work two mornings a week giving massages to patients and their caregivers. It actually gives me something to look forward to when going to chemo... and really helps to let go of the tension that I have built up in anticipation of my treatment. Not only are they great massage therapists, they are both very kind and have soothing personalities that automatically put you at ease. I am very grateful that they are there!

I was able to get my treatment today!! My ANC jumped from 1.15 to 1.65 overnight! I think the massage, a good nap, and an evening with good friends had a lot to do with it! :) The treatment went well, and was very speedy today. I was in and out in 4 hours, which is at least 2 hours faster than previous treatments! Now, I'm off to nap and cuddle with my lovely fanny-pack which contains a pump that continues to infuse me with 5-fu for the next 42 hours.

Goodnight friends!

Waiting...

So...I went to chemo again today after a 3 week break...and my neutrophils had actually decreased since last week (now 1.15)! Crazy.... don't know why.... its wierd! But.... my monocyte count (another type of white blood cell) was actually high. This was a good sign, because these are usually the first cells to bounce back, and are indicative that my neutrophils will soon return.
My nurse sent me home with instructions to "make white blood cells" and I plan to go back tomorrow for another try...
I'll keep you posted!
In the mean time I got to spend an extra evening in with some girlfriends.... I have to say, though I want to get this over with, I'm not too disappointed being sent home as it gives me extra 'feel good' time!
Hope everyone is doing well!

Therapy session #1

Hi All!
I've decided to start a blog to keep everyone up to date with my treatment and to share my experiences with cancer....really it will be my form of therapy for the next couple of months! I also plan to add pictures to help explain the experience...just as soon as I learn how to do that! I suppose I'm also doing this because I think that all I've been through is very interesting...(probably why I'm a nurse)...so read ahead...if you wish....

So...I'm just going to get started with session #1:
Chemo sucks! This is probably not what you want to hear and I'm not saying this to gain your pity....rather because I know that cancer will affect you all again at some point in your lives...and you need to know that your compassion and support means the world. I am very lucky to have such great family and friends to help me through this experience. I also can say this because I feel that I am doing fairly well with chemo...as the regimen that I am on is supposed to be one of the 'easier' chemo treatments, and I've been able to work through it. This being said...it still sucks! I thought that I would be able to fly right through it, as I'm young, otherwise pretty healthy, and have a positive attitude (most of the time). However, it kicks me on my ass every other week. I've currently had three treatments of Folfox 6 (oxaliplatin and 5-fu). Following the first two I was very nauseated and had some issues with throwing up for the 5 days after treatment. The third treatment was better on the nausea front...they gave me some great drugs (aloxi and emend), and they worked very well! The problem with them is that they create terrible constipation! (sorry...there will probably be lots of poop talk in this blog...as it was my colon they removed! Not very lady-like, I know!) However, since I wasn't terribly nauseated, I was able to keep down senna, which helped a bit. (fun fact...its the only thing that really works on medication related constipation...not miralax, or metamucil, etc.)
Anyway, the other side effect that is the worst is the fatigue! I've always been a person who enjoys a good nap, and has seemed to always be tired....however this is at a completely different level! For the first 5 days following chemo, taking a shower exhausts me! It's crazy because my mind is fine, and I feel like I should be up doing something, but my body won't let me! The other side effects are numerous...but more tedious than anything else. For example, I get terrible jaw pain when I chew; I can't drink, eat, or breath in anything cold or my throat feels like its closing up; I can't touch anything cold...it hurts; My hair is thinning...but will not completely fall out; I get mouth sores; I have no appetite; My toes hurt and turn yellow; my fingers sometimes hurt and it becomes hard to open stuff; and I get hot flashes that wake me up frequently during the night (I get a shot to put me into menapause in order to protect my ovaries from the chemo). Luckily, these side effects only last about 5 days (all except the damn hot flashes!)....so I have a good week+ of normal life between treatments! Let me tell you....it really makes me enjoy life when I feel good! I have a lot of fun...and am learning to appreciate every moment!

Okay...so I'm trying not to make this too long...as I know long posts are sometimes hard to read...they'll be shorter in the future, I promise!

One more thing to update you on... I was unable to get my treatment this week due to a low ANC (absolute neutrophil count). My ANC was 1.26 and it needs to be 1.5 in order to get treatment (the norm is 2.2-8.8). So....my 4th treatment is postponed until next Tuesday. This was an eye-opener to me that everything is not going to go as smoothly as I want it to....no matter how much I think I can control it! So...with this news, I have decided to change my hours to start working part time, as opposed to full time. Luckily, this was an option, as the nursing management on my floor is wonderful and very understanding! This will add more flexibilty for me to get my hours in during a two week period. On a positive note, I am really enjoying my job! The nursing staff are just great, and very welcoming! It is actually very refreshing to go to work, as I had become rather egocentric in the past couple of months! Its nice to go to work and have another focus rather than me...and my health!

So...I hope everyone is doing well! I thank you again for all of your support....you continue to overwhelm me with your kindness!